'Fessing up

I don’t want to establish a list of rules right now as I did in the past. However, I do want to establish a habit of writing daily, and the only way to do so is by doing so.

That being said, I didn’t want to write today. Because not only was I “bad” last night, making me a big hypocrite after all my hoity-toity talk yesterday, but I was also “bad” this morning, having eaten some candy and some dried fruit.

But then I had a couple of thoughts. The first was, from whom am I hiding my horrible horrible deeds??? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure I’m the only one here. So am I trying to deny my eating habits to myself?? It sorta seems so. Which makes sense because I often get to a point when I’ve gone a binge, or even a mini-binge, where it takes a colossal amount of effort to remember what I’ve eaten. Which really is a bad thing (and should be distinguished from a “bad” thing).

The second thought ties directly into the first, and that relates to how I tend to demonize food. I’m hiding my eating habits because I tend to think in the deepest depths of my heart that sometimes I’m “good” and sometimes I’m “bad”, and that’s something I have to break out of.

The third thought was that really I didn’t have an excessive amount of food either day, so why was I making a big deal about it?? I will acknowledge that I can’t eat in that way everyday if I expect to lose weight (I had many many chocolate covered raisins last night, followed by several slices of cinnamon toast and a piece of cheese, followed by baked fries, and then chased by some more chocolate raisins). But one night. More important is to look at why I became the bottomless chasm than to deny that it happened.

So there we are. I could be labeled a hypocrite (by myself, ‘cause again, just me here). Or I could accept that I might have a few too many nutritionally empty (but oh-so-tasty) foods, shrug it off , and have a supper of lean protein, vegetables and whole grains.

And by the way, I also weighed myself this morning.

150.