Deeper, deeeeeper...

I think I’m disappointed and upset because I keep expecting Nick to help supply me with happiness. I don’t know if that’s fair or not, but I guess that’s how I always believed relationships worked; both parties actively trying to make each others’ lives happier. And I do genuinely believe that I try to do so for Nick. However, he doesn’t provide the same to me.

I’m torn on the situation. On one hand, I feel I should be able to skip along merrily without affirmation from Nick. I shouldn’t base my esteem on him. However, isn’t there a line?? If he teases me with put downs, shouldn’t he boost me up too?? And at the end of the day shouldn’t I have some measure of certainty that he’s attracted to me and finds me interesting and that I’m special and wonderful to him?? Even if it’s not said explicitly all the time, shouldn’t one have that in a serious relationship? Particularly one that is supposed to be headed towards marriage?

‘Cause such is not the case.

So, where does that leave me? Well, in the long run, I don’t know.

But in the short run, I think I have to focus on my own happiness. I need to read and see people and go to movies and exercise and do what I need to do to achieve my goal of feeling good about myself. And I can’t let outside influences distract me from achieving my happiness.