Emotional Eating

Ugh, I’ve had a horrible couple of days. Work has been non-stop emergencies (and they’re not even my emergencies! I’m trying to cover for a co-worker who has an awful flu virus and has been out the whole week), and I discovered that due to some personality conflicts, I have been selected as a scapegoat for another organization I did some volunteer work for last spring.

All in all, I was miserable last night. Awful, but it did afford me an interesting opportunity.

My problems with weight stem almost 100% from binge/emotional eating. As I’ve become more and more aware of this, I’ve become more successful with controlling it and recognizing that my “bad” feelings will not go away by smothering them with food. This has allowed me to lose almost 50 lbs to date. Nonetheless, I do find myself slipping into old habits on a fairly regular basis, and would probably do so even more if wasn’t for Nick’s presence (I used to sneak food, something I can’t do anymore which has helped curb the binges substantially).

I recently read that binge/emotional eaters have troubles being in touch with their emotions, and funnily enough, many very “powerful” and professional women are particularly susceptible to this because they don’t want to show any emotions that could be construed as weak. When I read this I could recognize myself 100%, up to and including the desire to numb oneself with food rather than to simply allow oneself the emotional outlet of crying.

So last night I sat there considering the contents of my cupboards, and recognized that I was doing it again. I was avoiding the sadness I was feeling about things by turning my mind to food. So I forced myself to really think about the problems. And when I started to feel the prickling of my eyes I kept thinking about it.

I excused myself and went to bed early (like 9:30!!!), and just lay there and cried (okay, so I still couldn’t show weakness in front of someone, but usually I can’t even acknowledge it to myself, so this is real progress for me). I was still awake around 11 when Nick came to bed, but by that time I was feeling more peaceful.

I don’t have solutions to my current problems (there may not be any available at this time), but at least last night, my coping mechanism was healthier and ultimately left me feeling more at ease (rather than feeling sick and guilty!) I consider that I major step in the right direction.