7 days

I’ve been doing well in working out, but the eats?? Not so much. In fact, I’ve been sucking hard. I’ve been giving into my desire for emotional satiation on these evenings when I come home exhausted and wanting nothing more than to crawl into a nice safe warm cave made of cinnamon rolls.

But today I’m going to make a promise to myself. Not a big grandiose declaration, just an itty-bitty promise. For one week I will eat sensibly, avoiding sugar and other simple carbs (that make me crash and be moody), and I will eat protein with every meal.

If I do this for ONE week, then I will buy the pair of red mules that I have been coveting.

If I, by some miracle or act of god, do this for TWO weeks, then I will fall down in shock. But then I will pick myself up and go forth and buy something just luscious (and will have so much fun seeking out this prezzie to myself that it's almost a reward onto itself).

Alright. Starting…… NOW!

Progress

Another weekend here and gone. I'm going to be so glad when I'm done this session of coaching. It's too much to be playing and coaching at the same time!!! Aside from the general lack of time, my anxiety is slowly but surely rising because I feel like I don't have enough time in a week to get through all the necessary tasks. The housework, the yardwork, the puppy, my friendships have all been neglected as of late and it's making me fretful.

A quick recap of the weekend:

Friday night was a pub-based fundraiser for the women's team. I skipped the pub food and had a virgin Caesar, followed by two club sodas.

Saturday morning I had some quality time with the puppy (walk to the park about 30 minutes of catch, then another 30 minutes of him exploring while I read, then a walk home), then off to the boys' football practice, then off to a conditioning session with the women, then home to TRY and force my backyard into some semblance of order, and then a quick shower and off to a friend's house for a wee party. I had one vodka based drink and some sort of brie-on-toast yummy appetizer (10% meal).

Sunday walked the pup and then went out for an early brekkie with Nick - veggie omelet with eggbeaters and very little cheese, and one multigrain pancake (10% meal #2). Then we got packed up, dropped the pup with Nick sister and headed out of town for the boys' football game (the won again!!!! They're obviously well coached....). Got home, took puppy for a walk, and then had a shrimp and vege stir-fry. After a fairly low-key evening, I realized around 9ish that I was STARVING... checked the stats on what I'd eaten that day and realized it was way too low. Had a substantial snack of oatmeal, cottage cheese, blueberries, nat PB and crushed almonds. It was AWESOME!! Ever notice how good basic food can taste when you're really hungry???

I've been terribly pressed for time, but stayed on track for the most part. If I'm following the 10% premise, then all of my 10% meals occur on the weekend. I go longer between meals and the macro splits are often not quite right. However, I do feel that overall things are looking good in regards to my nutritional compliance.

71 days left to kick ass!!!!

Day 3

I’m on Day 3 of an 84 Day (12 week) commitment to myself. I’m following Turbulence Training and have entered the transformation contest as a member of the Breakthrough Challenge.

I’ve had two days of moderate success – I’ve almost completely finished my training regime (got a little gassed and didn’t finish every rep of the last set, but , I killed my muscles), and had pretty good eats (although nighttime snacking has GOT to stop. NOW.)

I might really do this!

Eeep!!!

Slowly but surely....

I am now a mere two pounds away from where I was right after I got back from Trinidad, the point when I officially went off the rails.

Given that it only took me about 3 or 4 weeks to put on the nine pounds that I gained, the progress has been slow to say the least. However, it's been steady forward progress for the most part and I feel really comfortable doin' what I'm doin', so I think I can stick to my healthier eating and tougher workout regime for the long haul and lose the weight.

Support

I’m feeling very excited. And a little nervous. But a whole lot excited. I’ve decided to join the ranks of fitness fanatics on the Turbulence Training bandwagon. And because I’m not so good with the half-ass, I’m also joining a group initiated by the very-inspiring Sara of Sanaworld fame.

I just bought the slew of e-manuals from the TT site, and am just starting to browse through them, hence the excitement. However, there’s an ugly little voice asking why I’m going to commit to this given that I’ve been withering about for the past year or more. Hence the nervous. I have an answer, to that ugly little voice, though, and that is because this time I have a plan, man!

Even more importantly, I’ll have a support system, which is something that I’ve never really had before. It’s funny because while Nick is never outwardly negative about new things that I decide to throw myself into, he’s not particularly supportive either. This is furthered by the fact that I tend to treat attempts to lose weight as a private struggle. This will be a very new experience for me, and one that I’m looking forward to.

Loser!!!

I went to the gym this morning and joined their "Biggest Loser" program. There are four teams, each meeting at different days and times, but because this team meeting is being held early in the morning, there are only two other people in it, both women and both seemingly very nice. A small group means high acocuntibility, which I need, and a potential of bonding with the other two women, which is nice. And the group leader (a personal trainer at the gym) seems very knowledgable and is more aligned with the "clean foods" way of thinking rather than the "no foods" way of thinking.

Discouragement

I’m still struggling to lose the weight that I gained back immediately after returning from Trinidad. My clothes feel just a leetle bit tight, or don’t seem to be hanging quite right. I’d love to proclaim my frustration that I’ve been “doing everything right!”, but such is very much not the case.

My eating has been all over the place, with a couple of exemplary days followed by a few days where things are just a mess. I’m binging again, eating until I’m uncomfortable and sick, sneaking food, eating weird combinations in an attempt to address my cravings. I hate this feeling of being out of control. And while it’s easy to say that I’m stopping it! Today!! I don’t know if I can – when I’m in that moment, I’m not thinking of my plan or my goal weight or my goal dress or my friend’s upcoming wedding, I’m just trying to get as much food into my face as I possibly can in that moment.

There’s another “Biggest Loser” starting up at the gym on Tuesday mornings, and I’m really thinking about joining in. I need some accountability, someone to notice and say, “um, so what’s going on here?”

Taking a look at some underlying issues; I’m unhappy at work, I’m feeling anxious about my ability to play football this year, I’m concerned about money, I feel that there’s so much to be done around the house, but I lack the finances and the know-how to address them. Ugh.

I’m going to slogging on, because I’ve tried just ignoring things and promptly gained a full ten pounds (after I returned from Trinidad). I’m going to look back, and re-acknowledge some of the goals that I made for myself some four months ago.