Sugar Monster!

The past few days I haven’t been able to get enough sugar in me. The worst part is that I keep lying to myself about how, “this will be the last thing, once I have some ice cream/chocolate bar/licorice/scone/whatever-as-long-as-it’s-filled-with-sugar I will be SO done with sugar.”

LIAR!

Here’s a bit of perspective, Loey. You just last week spent about $300 in signing up with a dietician to help you work through your sugar cravings and achieve your goals. You received a very comprehensive plan, with more than enough food, but with some flexibility built in.

So, what the hell??!?!!? I mean, what’s going on in your weird little head that’s not allowing you to make even vaguely sensible decisions?? And aside from the caloric over-spend, have you thought about the actual monetary overspend?? ‘Cause remember, you’re currently heavily in debt??? Remember??!?!?!

I’m so irritated with myself right now. Let’s tally up the spend today;

Morning scone and cookie: $3.00
So-so lunch (both in tastiness, but also in healthiness): $15.00
Afternoon snack run: $5.00

So, 23 dollars of tummy-ache and remorse.

And the most shameful part?? That I went to two different stores to get enough sweets for my mid-afternoon binge. I haven’t done that for a long time, and I’m really upset about now that the sugar-high is fading.

This is the turning point (yes, yes, I know, for the 879th time…ugh…)

Tonight I cook some of the recipes that were suggested to have in my fridge for lunch and post-football. And I’m going to bed very early tonight.

Sa-sa-sa-Sabotage

I saw a nutritionist this week, and have developed a new eating plan with him based on my goals, activities, etc. I’m feeling really good about this, and yesterday tried to get started.

Things went well, with only a few hiccoughs, until yesterday evening, when my fella’ decided we needed a treat. It was fresh foccacia (drool) with high quality extra virgin olive oil and balsamic vinegar (droooool!). I see this as a sometimes food in the long run, but right now I’m trying to eliminate processed carbs, so this was less than welcome.

I didn’t completely resist temptation (this is one of my favorite combos EVER), but I ate only in moderation. Still I’m frustrated.

Learning process

The past week I’ve learned a few things about myself.

1. I need carbs. If I drop to low I get so nauseated I actually potentially start throwing up. This happened both on Saturday and on Sunday, and the nausea didn’t abate until I had something with carbs (i.e. fruit, milk, cereal).
2. I can’t drop my calories too low and exercise without feeling dizzy. A no brainer in some ways, but my “too low” seems to be higher than other people’s “too low”.
3. Being in a “diet” mentality (i.e. being restrictive) will eventually make me binge.
   

So I’ve adjusted accordingly. I’m still worried about that effing dress, but I recognize my limits. I’m going to continue on track, but it’s a more moderate track.