Happy Dance!!

After maintaining the same weight for several weeks, I took a step back from the scale. I had been weighing myself daily and the frustration of not seeing any progress was starting to undermine my motivation. So I decided to go back to weighing only once a week, either Saturday or Sunday.

I stepped on the scale on Saturday. I lost almost 4 pounds.



So I weigh 146.6lb, which means I met my five pound loss goal (as suggested by the BDS) of 147lb, and now I can set a NEW five pound goal to reach 142lb.

And aside from my slow slog through the BDS, I’m still trying to keep my resolutions in mind. Here’s a brief summary of how I’m doing;

Hitting my target:
2. Eating breakfast
3. Tracking food
5. No more daily coffee (I still have some on weekends, but that’s it)
7. Push during training once a week
9. Weigh and record once a week.

Fulfilling in Spirit:
4. Eat protein at every meal – while I’m eating more protein, I still need to up my consumption
6. 10 hours of activity per week – I haven’t hit that yet, but I’m taking longer walks with the pooch, and getting in more activity regularly

Ooops…
1. Remind myself of resolutions (and practice BDS) daily – it’s been sporadic at best and I know that the BDS works best if I read my response cards and work the program daily
8. Work on pull-ups twice a week – I’ve had a couple of strenuous weeks physically, so haven’t really worked the pull-ups… actually I kinda forgot to work the pull-ups (hence the need for #1). However, this reminded me of my goal, so I’ll be back at them tonight
10. Ongoing list for housework and work tasks – I need to update this and check it regularly, otherwise I become too complacent

BDS - Day 7

#7 – Arrange your environment

This is advice provided by every magazine and diet advocate, but it definitely helps. The basic premise is that if it isn’t in the house then you likely won’t make the trip to the store to go get it. I am a semi-reformed Binge Eater (linked with depression, both now controlled med-free). I still have some tendencies to binge and not having things in the house or in my office has helped me a great deal (although I used to go for a car-rise to buy things at my worst).

However, I know live with my partner, and his food purchases have contributed to my slow gain since we moved in together. See, he has no emotional connection with food, so he can buy a tub of ice cream and let it collect frost after one bowlful. I’m at a point where I can do that sometimes or even most of the time, but in those times where I’m feeling something ugly if there’s any of my trigger foods around it will have a very short life span.

This can even include those things that I can combine to make into a trigger food. I’ve only recently been able to keep sugar in my house, and even then I buy small amounts from the bulk store. I’ve has a few mini-binges that have required me throwing the remnants of a bag into the compost to stop myself.

So, for me arranging my environment is not just a little step, it’s been essential in the past and not having sole control has been causing me difficulty for the past year and a half. But Nick’s wii fit slap down has prompted him to eat better and he’s stopped buying a lot of the junk he used to keep around.

Things that I’ve done to arrange my environment:
- Easy to munch on foods (i.e. nuts, cereal) are on the highest shelf in the kitchen so they catch my eye, making me grab a handful.
- I’ve minimized the tempting foods that are brought into the house.
- Food brought into the office by co-workers is rare, and if I just wait it out it usually is gone in a fairly short amount of time.
- I’ve announced to Nick my intention lose weight, and that I’m going to be eating healthier.

The last point is another part of this step; announce that you’re dieting, and this is the go-to reason why you don’t want certain foods around. This is the only step that has prompted a Sabotaging Thought;

Sabotaging Thought: “I’m embarrassed to tell people that I’m dieting.”
Response: “Why? The worst that can happen is that I don’t lose weight and they’re mildly critical. On the other hand, by giving a definitive answer I’ve closed the door to more pushing.”

I don’t know why I hate saying, “I’m dieting” or even, “I’m watching what I eat” or whatever. I think it’s because I don’t want to admit that I’m not 100% happy with myself, as it would be a sign of less confidence. I don’t know the reason, but I’ve overcome it at least with Nick and my Mom this time around.

Still trudgin' along...

(This is a fairly accurate representation of the conditions here right now... my poor miniature poodle is regularly over his head.)

After last week I have had a decided rebound. It took a couple of days, granted, but by Wednesday I was back to tracking my food and being active.

I think a couple of things saved me; 1.) it’s hard to slack off on my activities… I’m enrolled in several classes so that forces me out of the house, and the dog needs close to an hour of exercise a day to stay sane (more if possible) and I love my doggie, so my half of the walking duties means half an hour a day in all but the worst weather. And 2.) I kept up at least somewhat with the tasks in BDS.

After a quick start, I’ve been in a holding pattern around 25-27. I still plan to outline these , but in brief these work on teaching you to recognize your sabotaging thoughts, then recognize that they’re one of nine thinking mistakes, and then question those thinking mistakes to demonstrate their fallacy. I actually have the BDS on my iPod right now so I’ve been listening this section again and again.

In any case, I’m back to feeling in control, which is half the battle for me. I’ve also employed a new strategy into my diet. I was eating about 1,600 calories a day, but was having a hard time on days when I was more active. What I’m doing now is zig-zagging my calories, and hitting the high days on my days when I’ve got more on the go.

What it looks like:
- Monday – 1,500
- Tuesday (when I’ve got bootcamp) – 1,800
- Wednesday – 1,500
- Thursday (BC again) – 1,800
- Friday – 1,500
- Saturday – 1,800
- Sunday (which tends to be my rest day) – 1,400

This isn’t exactly how it’s broken down, but it’s pretty close. Basically, I’m trying to provide more fuel on the days where I’m more active, and on Saturday when I often want a bit more wiggle room so I can go to a restaurant or whatever. Depending on my social plans, sometimes Saturday is a low day and then I make Sunday the higher day (like this past Super Bowl weekend).

I know that this isn’t anything new, but I’ve never been consistent enough with tracking to be able to do this. I have to say that it really helps to provide me with energy, but also to allow for some more caloric indulgences.

Slipping

So, I’m still following the BDS. But I’ve been slipping. Yesterday was a bit of a gong show and then today I had two cookies.

I know that these are not horrific confessions of sin. But after almost two weeks of sticking faithfully to a moderate calorie, nutritionally balanced plan, I feel that two days of being off-kilter is worth noting, if for not other reason than I would like to prevent it from spreading to two weeks off-kilter.

I could spout some yadda-yadda about how the weekend had some stresses (a banquet that Nick’s ex was also attending, a woman who broke us up once before, and Nick’s sister and my dear friend had a terrible fight with her boyfriend and wound up staying with us and crying…), but I think that they were the catalysts for the reaction that was already set to go off (have I mentioned before that I’m a chemical engineer?)

I’m feeling blue because I’ve been working out 5 days a week, and have been sticking to my calories and avoiding all nutrient lacking foods, and I haven’t lost anything. In fact, I’ve gone up half a pound.

I know that this is not reason to throw in the towel, but I’ve never hit a plateau this early on, especially when I’m hitting all my targets. The only logical thing I can think of is that my muscles are retaining water because I’ve only just got back into my strength training program.

Reasons why I shouldn’t give up include that I’ve been feeling stronger, and that my stomach seems flatter. I am in fact wearing a pair of dress pants that I couldn’t fit into in November and in December I could only wear REALLY forgiving tops with. While I’m still not entirely muffin-free in these pants, it’s small enough that I can wear pretty much all but the tightest of tops.

I’m re-reading my reasons for wanting to lose weight (BDS Day 1) and am giving myself credit for ending this slide downwards right now, while the damage is essentially non-existent. I ate more than I should have yesterday, but the damage has been worse in the past. And today I had tow cookies in my otherwise healthy day. I’ll try to make choices tonight that reduce the impact, but I won’t deprive myself unreasonably because punishing myself will only foster resentment.

Tomorrow I'll continue posting about the Beck Diet Solution.

BDS - Day 6

#6 – Find a Coach

The role of a coach in this case to motivate, help solve problems, build self-confidence, and provide perspective and accountability.

I have people in my life who provide these things for me, providing in essence a coaching staff that provide support.

However, the BDS recommends asking someone to make a commitment to fill that role. And I haven’t done that.

The Good; I’m not hiding that I’m on a diet from people in my life, which is something I usually do. In fact, I told Nick for the first time that I’m not happy with my weight and that I’m trying to lose. This was helped by the recent purchase of the wii fit, which weighs you and puts your BMI on the screen, as well as how much you’ve lost (or gained) since your first weigh-in. I also participate in two different boot camps; one is for football conditioning specifically and has a 6-week challenge that started two days ago that I joined (winner gets to donate to charity of choice, plus the bragging rights), and the other is a women only early morning class and goes for 4-weeks with before and after measurements etc. tracked (I did the "before" last night). So both women who run these are tracking my weight and measurements. Plus, there’s always my super-supportive Mom.

So a solid support system, right?

The Bad; while all those listed will motivate blah blah blah, none will offer the constructive criticism that I know I need sometimes. And I’m not going to call up any of them when a chocolate cake is singing a siren song, which is suggested. Nor will I be having weekly meetings to sit down and talk about my weight one-on-one.

The only place where I’m completely honest about how I feel about weight loss is here on this anonymous blog. I would never, NEVER admit that I have moments where I lack confidence or don’t feel like I’m in control or any of the other things that I listed in Step #1. I just don’t. Or I will, but then will make light of it and immediately brush it off.

So, while I’ve fulfilled the criteria for a coach in word, I don’t think I really have addressed the ratoinale behind this step. That makes me nervous as it’s the only step that I’ve really flouted. But I’m almost two weeks in and am sticking to everything else, so we’ll see how it goes.

The back up plan I have, eDiets, does have a coach provided, so if I start to waiver too much than I’ll go to plan B.

BDS - Day 5

#5 – Eat Slowly and Mindfully

Um… I suck at this. No, really, I’m just terrible.

I understand the reason this is important; to allow you to fully appreciate and savor each bite, maximizing the eating experience and providing satiation. Eating slowly also allows you time to recognize that you’re full. Got it.

But I live in a household where my partner has no interest in sitting down to eat at the table. He even hates eating in a restaurant. And I get bored by myself, which almost makes me want to eat faster or more.

I also have an overfilled schedule. Today I left the house at 7:45am, and won’t be getting home till about 9:15pm. I don’t have much time for books or television or whatever, especially when I’m trying to increase my sleep by going to bed earlier. So I read or, less often, watch television with Nick while I eat. At work, I usually work through lunch so that I can leave on time.

I know! I’m a total dieting bad-girl!!!

Usually the suggestion techniques or the sabotaging thought/responses of the BDS are very effective, but none in this case speak to me at all, at least those that apply to mindful eating.

Here’s my compromise which works about 80% of the time now and I’m working on getting better. I eat while sitting down most of the time (the exception is when I’m driving to a workout and eating a healthy snack on route), but I still eat while doing something else like reading. But in between bites I put my fork down. And with every bite, I stop reading and try to focus on the food and how much I enjoy its taste and texture. I realize that it’s not perfect, but I feel that it fulfills the motivation behind this step in that I have slowed down my eating and I do enjoy the food more.

BDS - Day 4

#4 – Give Yourself Credit

This is to counteract the inner critic that can undermine your good intentions. (And given that this is very much me, I’m switching pronouns…) When I “fail” and eat something I didn’t intend to eat, I usually start berating myself. This can lead me to binge or at least continue to eat whatever I want for the rest of the day (cake for lunch? Sure! Better have a brownie chaser, in case I get hungry, and maybe some Mike & Ike’s…).

What the BDS advocates is to instead view it as a minor slip up, and to just think about how to deal with the problem the next time it arises. It further recommends giving credit for what I did right.

Example (based on one in the book, but adapted to me):
Someone brings in candy to work, and I have one;

Previous Loey: “Ugh, I have zero control. I’m so weak.” Etc. until I’ve convinced myself that I really have no self-control and I may as well take a walk down to the bakery in our office building.

New (and improved) Loey: “So I had a candy. At least I resisted the first couple of times I walked by. And I only had one, so I didn’t affect my plan for the day overall. Maybe next time I’ll make some tea or wait till everyone else finishes off the candy and that way I can avoid temptation.” By not being critical I don’t beat myself down, and can avoid further indulgences through the day.

It’s also recommended to congratulation oneself on an ongoing basis throughout the day. This sounds hokey, but I’ve been doing so every time I eat a healthy meal or snack, or when I’m walking or doing some sort of activity. And I really consciously think about how I’m doing positive things for my body and working toward my goal.

The final recommendation is one that I’ve been doing for a while; have a credit fund, where you drop a coin or a buck into a bank or whatever when you do a positive action.

My credit fund (which has been funded by my non-coffee habit, which used to cost about $3/day) includes;
$1 for every day I stick to my diet plan
$1 for every day I exercise in a planned activity (i.e. gym visit, jiu-jitsu)
$1 for every day my pedometer hits 10,000 (which accounts for my unplanned activity, like walks, or taking the stairs)

I don’t know what I'll spend my credit fund on, but I keep hoping for an opportunity to travel (my trip to L.A. fell through), and plan on spending it on something fancy while doing so (some clothes, a live show, a side trip that I'd normally consider too expensive...)