Train Wreck

I totally fell off the rails for the weekend, extending till yesterday. It was a combination of things; a weekend (a long one at that), eating with other people, and having a lot of feelings of resentment directed towards Nick.

End result? Train wreck. I haven’t been on plan for food, for training or for my N.E.A.T. (Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis, which I gauge by my pedometer, which I don’t wear during a planned work out).

Today has been good so far. I did 30-45 minutes of body weight training, and then walked with Rufus for another 20 minutes. I took my gym gear with the intention of going at lunch, but that was kyboshed by a meeting that ran VERY long.

I weighed myself this morning and although I almost cried, it also recommitted me to my plan.

I want to go really hard for at least the next two weeks. Why? Because two weeks from now I have an appointment to get an existing tattoo on my belly revamped, something I’ve wanted to do for years, but kept putting off while I waited to lose weight. However, I’m 10-15lbs heavier than I was a year ago, so I’ve decided to just do it.

That being said, a stranger is going to be up close and personal with my tummy in two weeks time. Although I can’t lose 25 lbs or anything crazy like that, I want to feel my best which means that I have to train hard and eat well.

How was the first week?

So I've completed one week, and am on day 8 of my self-imposed challenge, and I have to say so far so good. Progress: I met my 3 lbs lost goal. Downside is that I was secretly hoping for more, and saw a smaller number when I peeked yesterday. However, 3 lbs is a healthy amount, and I really want to focus on losing in a reasonable manner this time.

Good things:
- I've exceeded my pedometer goal of 11,000 steps almost every day. As the intention of the goal is to try and push myself, I'm upping it to 12,000 steps per day for the coming week.
- I did my scheduled workout EVERY DAY! Three days of strength training according to my plan, and three days of cardio. Walks with Rufus and at lunch were added on top of that.
- I tracked my food every day, even when I overate.
- I ate breakfast everyday.
- My sleep is starting to improve.
- I'm not even that sore.

Not so good things:
- I had three days of "slip ups". Only one was what I would consider a binge, which involves eating to try and disassociate from feelings, and usually involves really excessive quantities (on Sunday, the binge day, I hit slightly more than double my target calories). While scary, it still wasn't anywhere near some of my worse days and I did catch myself. The second day was Monday when I went out socially with my football team. Given that the calorie excess was only about 250 over, and given that I had played two games of flag football right before, I am comfortable with that. Last night was somewhere in between the other two days. I only ate an excess of about 250-350 calories, but I was trying to quell some negative feelings. I also kept going for a bit after I realized what was happening in my head. So while the damage wasn't terrible, the causation makes me think of it as a binge.
- My cardio could be stepped up considerably. I'm okay with this as a work in progress, even in the coming week. However, as I get into the groove of things, I should definitely be mindful of the need to make the most of my cardio sessions.
- Sleep still isn't great, so my morning gym sessions are being cut short. Again, let's consider this a work in progress.

All-in-all a good week, though, and I feel confident that I'll hit my first mini-milestone of being back in the 140's next Friday as planned.

Stumbled, but picked myself back up (Day 4)

I stumbled a bit yesterday. It was a cardio optional day, and while I didn't do anything too intense, I did take the pup for a long walk, about one hour or 4 km. The day went quite well in terms of what I ate, until later that night.

In fact, I was pretty much on target until 11:00, when Nick went to bed. We're still not great, and I was feeling resentful of him due to his general apathy about our relationship (which is a subject that I'm not ready to tackle right now), so I felt restless and not ready for bed. So I stayed up, just foolng around on the computer, and I started to nibble. It went on for about an hour, until I had eaten about 1,400 cal over my target for the day in almonds, trail mix and granola bars.

Extreme, somewhat, but given my track record of binging, I'm taking it in stride. For one thing, it was all more or less healthy food. For another, 1,400 cal is nothing compared to some other ninges in the past.

But the three most important things are that 1.) I tracked what I ate (something I usually don't do after a binge), 2.) I recognize and acknowledge the trigger (late night + stress created by relationship problems) and 3.) I haven't let it continue.

The third point may be the most significant. In the past, one binge would easily lead to days, or weeks or more, of self-sabotaging behviour. I've been off work today, and I've not only eaten healthfully, I've made several healthy foods for the rest of the week (turkey chili for lunches and/or dinners and soy/spelt/zucchini bread for breakfasts and snacks). I'm also dressed for the gym right this second and will be heading there after I hit "post".

My biggest challenge today will actually be this evening. We have our final flag football game in the co-ed league that I play in, and I know that the team will be heading out to the bar that sponsers the league afterwards. I can resist the beer, but there are free nachos provided (as part of the sponsorship) and they are so delicious. My plan is to eat a good supper before the game, and to bring a protein bar to eat right before the bar. I also don't plan on staying too long, and given that Nick (who also plays in the league) and I are taking separate cars because of wonky schedules, I won't feel the guilt of making him leave early.

Here's to fingers crossed for a successful Day 4!

First day back (and ow!)

I am so sore. I know that I haven't been to a gym since April (ish), but I have been active. I've done body weight work, played flag football, softball, ran, swam and played. But, in hindsight, it's been weeks since I've been in any way consistent, and most of my activity has been more cardio based.

On the other hand, soreness aside, I went to the gym, so yay me!!!

Turns out that all the fitness advice about making a plan and sticking to it actually works (who knew? Oh right. Everyone.) Last night I wrote down what I planned to do (a very straight-forward full body strength training workout), and this morning I did it. My mind did sort of try to talk me out of it, first by whispering that another fifteen minutes of sleep would still allow me time to hit the gym (it wouldn’t), and then that maybe a brisk walk with Rufus, the pup, would suffice (again, wouldn’t). And finally, as I was walking to the gym, that maybe I should just skip the strength training and do some cardio instead so I could follow the Mon-Wed-Fri schedule that’s in the book that I’m using (shut up, Brain! You always say that and we never start!) But I had a plan! A list if you will. And I do love me a list.

So I did my first focused strength training session in months. And I am soooo sore right now.

But, I also feel great, and have been in a great mood all morning.

Foodwise, I also had a plan. Which stumbled in the face of cupcakes (many!! In so many flavors!!) I am only so strong, so I had one. However, I’ve already included it in my nutritional tally (thanks Daily Plate!), and am still in good standing.

Other than the cupcake, I also ate breakfast!! I know!! And, again, the damn overused advice may prove correct as I’ve felt really great all morning.

So here’s the tally. Exercise: good. Food: mostly good (and hope is not lost!). Pants: tight (which instead of depressing me completely, is sorta motivating me. Although still depressing me a little).

So what is it that I'm doing now?

Right. So, I’ve read many of the books published by the fitness gurus of the interwebs, and have sort of put together a plan that pulls from a bunch of them (not too difficult since there are repeating schools of thought).

I’m going to follow the strength training plan and progression from The New Rules of Lifting for Women. I’m trying to incorporate some of the views on affirmations and goal setting from Turbulence Training. And I’m going to use a whole combo of books for nutrition, but much will be pulled from the Fat Loss Troubleshoot.

More than anything, I’m not going to be too rigid. I’m a type A personality, an all-or-nothing girl, so when things slip even a little, I throw in the towel because I’m off plan. So my “plan” is going to allow A LOT of flexibility.

I’m also going to go ninety days. One would think that that’s a fairly short time, but for me, it’s a little intimidating. So I’ve broken it into 14 day chunks for now, and then into day-by-day pieces, and I’m going to try to look at just one day at a time.

Should I....?

So I’m trying something new. Something that will be a tool to motivate me and provide guidelines for success. I’m feeling very excited and positive about this.

However, I’ve been here before. I am completely stereotypical in my complete love of a new plan, snuggling up to it like the smitten honeymooner that I am. But soon the plan starts to demand my time when all I want to do is be lazy. Soon I start to resent the plan and maybe even start to flirt with other plans. Next thing you know, I’m done, leaving my once adored plan out in the cold wondering where it all went wrong.

Depressing? In some ways. However, one could also consider look at it as an optimist (one could also look at it as a Cathy cartoon… shut up, one!)

I’ve been trying to decide whether I want to document it on this blog, or to scrap it and start another. However, given that I do this mostly for myself, it seems a little silly.

New low (high?)

The whole challenge thing obviously went out the window. Work involved travel, there were a slew of weddings, cabin parties with friends and life in general happened. I've also been experiencing A LOT of stress, and all the sleep issues and emotional eating associated with that.

What does that mean? I'm at the highest weight that I've been since my knee injury, at 155.2 lbs as of this morning.

Given that my "happy weight" is 130 - 135 lbs, and my "moderately comfortable weight" is 140 - 145 lbs I am less than pleased. So it's time to get back to it, to knuckle under, to get my eating under control and start working out regularly again.

Plans are in the works, but I've started and failed so many times on this blog that I hesitate to put it in words quite yet.